Shattered Pieces of my Heart
by ShatteredOnTheInside
Summary: Adam has a dark secret. One that only he knows. What happens when people start finding out? Will his life ever be the same? Dark/depressing story. Adison Pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**okay, little something about this story: you know those song fanfics people do? Well, this is like that sort of. It uses little parts of songs in it to describe/set the mood. Only in Adam's perspective though. When it is in Allison's or Kris', it won't. Under each song I say what it is too, just in case YOU want to know. The song artist or whatever is completely irrelavent to the story though. If it's slanted, it's lyrics. If not, it's the story. It goofs up when it uploads though, so it might be a little off. Sorry, I'm trying to fix it now.**

_**CHAPTER 1:**_

"_**The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time  
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out**_

**_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating..."_  
_-Broken by Lifehouse_**

**  
Adam mouthed the words to this oh-so-familiar song over and over. It was such a sad and depressing song - he knew that. He couldn't help it though. Not after today at least. It seemed as if the whole word was against them. **

"_**I'm a nightmare, a disaster  
That's what they'd always say  
I'm a lost cause, not a hero  
But I'll make it on my own  
I've gotta prove them wrong  
Me against the world  
Its me against the world..."  
**__**-Me Against the World by Simple Plan**_

**  
Yet another song he was familiar to. He liked songs with lyrics like that - lyrics that actually had a MEANING. IT seemed like half of the songs out there now were about drugs, sex, and alcohol. He hated it. That's one reason he had ended up trying out for American Idol - he'd hoped that if he somehow managed to win, he could bring some meaningful music into the world. At this point it would basically be all depressing music though.**

"_**Lost and broken,  
Hopeless and lonely.  
Smiling on the outside,  
and hurt beneath my skin.**__**So help me heal these wounds,  
They've been open for way too long.  
Help me fill this hole,  
Even though this is not your fault,**_

**_My eyes are fading,  
My soul is bleeding.  
I'll try to make it seem okay,  
But my faith is wearing thin._**

**_That I'm open,  
And I'm bleeding,  
All over your brand new rug.  
And I need someone to help me sew them up..."  
-Wounded by Good Charlotte  
_**

**Yes, he did need somebody. Of course he had Drake, but Drake didn't seem to give a damn about him. Sometimes Adam felt the only reason Drake wanted to be with him was because of the fame. That was probably true. Adam didn't really care though. If he broke up with Drake, it would be just another person in Adam's life that wouldn't be there for him anymore. Drake almost never was though. And that was fine with Adam.**

**Everyone always gave him crap about Drake though. Fans, interviewers, and the few friends that he had left. He'd also probably lost half of his fans over coming out, and a good chunk of them once they found out about Drake.**

_**  
"These eyes  
Have seen no conviction  
Just lies and more contradiction  
So tell me what would you say  
I'd say it's time too late....**_

**_So am I still waiting  
For this world to stop hating  
Can't find a good reason  
Can't find hope to believe in..."  
-Still Waiting by Sum 41  
_**

**His friends were even becoming more distanced. He'd lost basically all of the ones he'd had before Idol, and only had a few from it. Allison and Kris. That was it. No one else gave a damn about him. He bit his lip thinking about it. Lately Kris and Allison seemed so far away these past few days, for basically no reason either. He hadn't been acting any different around them as he always has. He always acted happy. He almost always had a smile on his face. Is that why they had become so distant? Could they see right through his mask? Could they see right through his pain and suffering? He doubted it. He had been hiding behind that mask since 7****th**** grade. No one had seen through it yet. Or if they had, they didn't care enough to do anything about it.**

"_**I'm strong on the surface,  
**__**but not all the way through..."  
**__**-Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park**_

**He had thought the fame would help him with that empty feeling he'd always felt. It seemed to just make it worse. He had fewer friends now, and more times he'd have to pretend to be happy. All of those stupid, endless interviews made him want to pull his hair out.  
**

"_**Here in this crowd I'm feeling all alone  
turn me around and point me back to home  
I'm getting lost more everyday  
and I can't tear myself away...."  
**__**-Life On The Moon by David Cook  
**_

**  
He knew he needed help. He'd needed it for a while. For YEARS. Before he did something he'd regret. He already had though. He looked down at his left arm - particularly his wrist, and at the multiple scars. Some recent, some not. They went all the way up the inside of his arm though. How no one had noticed them by now was beyond him. They've been there for about 3 years now.  
**

"_**You'd be surprised what I endure  
What makes you feel so self-assured?**__**  
**_

**_I need to find a place to hide  
You never know what could be  
Waiting outside  
The accidents that you could find  
It's like some kind of suicide_**

**_So what ails you is what impales you  
I feel like I've been crucified to be satisfied_**

**_I'm a victim of my symptom  
I am my own worst enemy..."  
-Restless Heart Syndrome by Green Day_**

**  
It almost wasn't worth it anymore. Life. Death seemed so easy...peaceful almost. Of course he's thought about suicide before. All the time. WAY more than he should. It wouldn't really effect people that much. Of course the fans would be sad at first, but they would eventually find new music to listen to. His family seemed like they wanted nothing to do with him since he became famous. Kris and Allison were so busy with everything they wouldn't even have time to grieve and feel bed. If they knew everything he HAD done though already, they might at least feel a LITTLE bad. Maybe. He wasn't even sure about that though. If his friends knew how he REALLY felt about his life, they'd probably leave him in a heartbeat. Then he'd have no one. No one at all.**

**Adam clenched his fists. Emotional pain overwhelming him, he walked into the bathroom and took out his razor blade, once again bringing it up to his left wrist and pressing down on the already scarred skin.  
**

"_**Pain; without love.  
**__**Pain; I can't get enough.  
**__**Pain; I like it rough,  
**__**'Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all..."  
**__**-Pain by Three Days Grace  
**_

**  
After making a few deep cuts, he set the razor blade back on the bathroom sink, not bothering to put it away. He'd probably use it again soon enough, there was no point. He looked at his now-bloody wrist and sighed. This is what he'd become. He hated himself for it. If not that though, what ELSE would he do? It's better then plenty of things he could've done - or even TRIED to do. He'd been in too many car 'accidents' in these past 3 years to count. He'd never got more than a couple bumps and bruises though, and a few broken arms and ribs. A bloody head once too. Never anything worse though. He'd caused too many car accidents too - walking into the middle of the road directly into oncoming traffic. A car had once swerved to avoid him and collided head-on with a 18-wheeler, killing the driver. **

**Adam had tried to hang himself after that incident. He didn't have a rope strong enough to hold him though. Every time he could kick over the chair he was standing on, the rope would either break or come untied. He'd thought of shooting himself though, but then he'd have to get a gun. He'd never be able to bring himself to do that.  
**

"_**I've got troubled thoughts  
**__**and a self-esteem to match.  
**__**What a catch, what a catch..."  
**__**-What A Catch by Fall Out Boy**_

**  
For now, he was stuck in this miserable, cruel world. For some reason, God wanted him here on Earth - here to suffer. Was something GOOD supposed to happen? Is that why he's still here? Is that why all the attempts of suicide had failed? Or does God have such a cruel, twisted mind that he ENJOYS this. Enjoys watching him SUFFER. Adam didn't know. For now, he was going to get wasted, then crash. Yet again.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

_**CHAPTER 2:**_

**11:15AM**

**Allison hummed a little tune to herself while attempting to clean out her tour bus. She'd only cleaned for about 15 minutes when she got bored. She thought tour life would be a lot more exciting than this. Also, a lot less complicated. The constant performances, meet-and-greets, and interviews made her miss her old life. Many people would KILL to have a life like hers, but she could definitely do without it. Sure, touring with the top 10 Idol contestants was fun and all, but not really as good as she thought it would be. Everyone was either busy or too exhausted to do anything. **

**She missed hanging out with people her OWN age. Then they could just giggle and laugh about everything and anything. Now if she did that, she was usually looked down upon. Unless she was with Adam. Man, they haven't hung out in basically FOREVER. She felt kind of bad about that. Yeah, he'd asked her plenty of times, but she was always busy. Or honestly, she just didn't want to. She never told him that though, she'd just make up some excuse. **

**Adam wasn't the same as he was back in the Idol house. He was so happy and carefree there - as was she. 'Back to reality I guess,' she thought. "Oh well," she said to herself. "Maybe I'll give him a call or something. She dialed his number.**

* * *

**Adam heard his phone ring. He stumbled around, looking for it. He found it and looked at the screen. Allison. He picked it up. "HELLOOOOO," he answered drunkly, slurring his words a bit. He heard her sigh. "You drunk AGAIN? Adam, it's not even noon!"**

"**Don't tell me what to do, I can do whatever the hell I want! Stop being such a bitch!" he yelled at her, too drunk to realize what he was saying. **

"**Well, I WANTED to hang out with you today, since we don't have anything to do, PLUS we haven't done anything in basically forever. And of COURSE you're again drunk off you're frickin ass. What a surprise!!! I'm starting to remember why we haven't hung out in so long..." she said trailing off, a hint of sadness and disappointment in her voice. Before Adam could respond she hung up.**

**He stared at his phone. Reality began to sink in. He'd done it AGAIN. Another person that hated him. Maybe it was just the alcohol's doing, but he felt like something died inside of him. He laid down on his bunk and cried himself into a restless sleep.**

"**_My ship went down  
In a sea of sound  
When I woke up alone  
I had everything  
A hand full of moments  
I wished I could change  
and a tongue like a nightmare  
That cut like a blade  
In a city of fools  
I was careful and cool  
but they tore me apart like a hurricane  
A hand full of moments  
I wished I could change  
but I was carried away_**

_Give me therapy  
I'm a walking travesty  
But I'm smiling on everything  
Therapy you were never a friend to me  
and you can keep all your misery..."  
**-Therapy by All Time Low**_

_

* * *

_

**Allison struggled to hold back tears. This seemed to be happening more and more now. Adam's lately drinking a lot more often than he should. It wasn't even noon yet either. Tears started pouring down her face. She quickly wiped them away. She knew he didn't mean to act like that - it was just the alcohol. Either way, it still hurt. **

**She decided to call Kris. He always knew how to make her feel better. She dialed his number. He answered after the second ring. **

"**Hey Allie, what's up?" he said.**

"**Kris, can you come over?" she sniffled. "I need some company."**

"**Sure baby, what's wrong?" he asked.**

"**EVERYTHING!" she moaned. **

"**Okay, I should be there in about..." Allison's door opened. "...now!" he said, walking in. She smiled and laughed a little through her tears, and shut her phone. He went over to where she was sitting and sat down next to her; putting his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. She cried into his chest.**

"**Okay baby, are you going to tell me your problem now?" Kris asked her, after she had calmed down and stopped crying. She bit her lip. "It's Adam. I called to see if he wanted to hang out like we used to, but he was drunk and started insulting me..." she said, looking down.**

"**Allie, he's drunk, he doesn't know what he's doing," he reassured her. **

"**I know that. I've known that for ages. Every time he does something like this, after he's sober he calls me and apologizes. I just don't know if I can keep taking this. It's killing me. It's killing our FRIENDSHIP," she finished, with tears in her eyes. He pulled her in for a warm embrace.**

"**Come on, let's forget about this for a little while. I hate to see my little sister upset. Let's find something fun to do. It'll help you get your mind off of all of this." Allison gave a weak smile. At least someone cared about her.**


	3. Chapter 3

_**CHAPTER 3**_

**5PM**

**Adam woke up with a major hangover. He groaned, got off the couch, and went to the bathroom to get some aspirin. As he opened the medicine cabinet above his sink, he stared down at the bloody razor blade. It was still there. Haunting him. He looked at the new cuts on his wrist and sighed, taking a towel off the towel rack and putting it over the blade. He was slowly starting to remember that day. Allison. He sighed again. Once again, he'd hurt her. **

"_**I'm alive, but I'm losing all of my drive  
**__**because everything we've been through  
**__**and everything about you  
**__**seems to be a lie,  
**__**a guiltless twisted lie..."  
**__**-Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade  
**_

**  
That's how it seemed she felt. Yeah, she'd always forgive him and all, but lately it didn't seem like she meant it. He wouldn't blame her. He probably deserved it. How would he be able to make it without her though? Lately, she'd been the only thing that could make him laugh. The only person that could make him smile. The only reason he hadn't tried to kill himself in the past few months. He'd still cut himself, but that was different. It wasn't an attempt at suicide. People always think doing that is. It's not. It's a way him and other people are able to cope with life. Basically, a way to relieve stress.**

"_**I'm walking on broken glass  
**__**from the wreckage of my past  
**__**I'm locked up in a cage  
**__**'cuz I'm a prisoner of my ways.  
**__**So cut me off,  
**__**and throw me up  
**__**'cuz I'm a reckless;  
**__**I'm a reckless  
**__**God damn son of a bitch  
**__**I'm reckless; so reckless  
**__**God save me from this madness..."  
**__**-Reckless by Papa Roach**_

**  
After waking up more, he decided to try to get some food in his stomach. He tried eating some cereal, then tried a sandwich, but neither seemed like they had any taste to them. After a few bites of his sandwich, he just threw the food away. He'd been doing that basically all week. Over the week, probably more food ended up in the trash than his stomach. He just couldn't bring himself to eat anything. He was losing a lot of weight too. He went up to the mirror and listed his shirt. You could now see basically all of his ribs. Pretty easily too. **

**Hunger wasn't on his mind now though. Allison was. He didn't remember too much about that call; just her getting mad at him and hanging up. Also, it sounded like she was about to cry. He felt even worse now. He hated it when she cried. He picked up his phone and dialed her number. No answer. She always answered when he called her, no matter how mad she was, or how much of a jerk he'd been. Had things changed between them?**

"_**We used to have this figured out  
We used to breathe without a doubt  
The nights were clearer for the first time that I'd see  
We used to have this under control  
We never thought we used to know  
At least there's you  
And at least there's me  
Can we get this back?  
Can we get this back?  
To how it used to be..."  
**__**-Used To by Daughtry**_

**  
He had to go see her. He couldn't let things end like this. She was one of his best and only friends. He couldn't live without her. He didn't even want to try. He didn't care what anyone would think or say anymore. They couldn't make his much worse than it already was. He LOVED her. Not just the best friend or little sister love either. Real, pure love. He didn't care if people would call him a pedophile. He only cared about her. Allison. The only person that could save him from his depression. The only person that could brighten his day when he couldn't brighten his own. He couldn't let her go. He would have to go and apologize. He grabbed his coat and walked out the door. **


	4. Chapter 4

_**CHAPTER 4**_

"**_Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away  
I missed you and things weren't the same  
Cause everything inside it never comes out right  
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die  
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you  
And I know I can't take it back..."  
-Sorry by Buckcherry_**

**  
Adam bit his lip and knocked on the door of Allison's trailer. He waited about a minute. Nothing. She must've not heard or something. He was about to knock again when he heard Allison scream then start laughing. Confused, he looked near the door, just in time to see Kris scoop Allison up bridal style and spinning her around. She was screaming at him to put her down and laughing hysterically. He clenched his fists. He was starting to resent his friend. Why did Kris always have to get EVERYTHING? It wasn't fair. Kris had a loving wife, plenty of friends, AND he was the American Idol. Also, one of America's heartthrobs. Kris had everything. And now he took Allison from him. Now he had her.**

_"_**_And now you'll lead the way  
Show the light of day  
Nice work you did  
You're gonna go far, kid  
Trust, deceived!_**

_With a thousand lies  
And a good disguise  
Hit 'em right between the eyes  
Hit 'em right between the eyes  
When you walk away  
Nothing more to say..."  
_**_-You're Gonna Go Far, Kid by The Offspring_**

**  
Anger swelling up inside of him, he punched the side of Allison's trailer, making a loud banging sound and shaking the trailer a bit. Taking his bloody, aching fist back, he saw he left a dent. He silently cursed to himself. As he turned to walk away, he heard the door open. He spun around. It was Kris. His heart dropped. **

"**What are you doing here?!" said Kris harshly. Adam put his hands in his pockets and looked down. **

"**I came to talk to Allison, he said."**

"**Well, you can forget it. She doesn't WANT to talk to you!" Kris snapped. Adam bit his lip. **

"**If she REALLY feels that way, I'd like to hear it from her..." he said, shuffling his feet, confused. Why was Kris being so mean all of a sudden. He'd never seen him act this way before. Kris sighed, his voice softening a bit, still having a hint of anger in it though.**

"**Dude, just get your crap together. I'm tired of you constantly upsetting Allison."**

"**I don't mean to..." he mumbled.**

"**Yeah, you're DRUNK. You don't know how much you're hurting her. You're breaking her heart."**

"**I...I am??" said Adam, finally looking up at Kris, his eyes filled with hurt. Kris noticed and took a quick deep breath in. **

"**Yeah, you are. You're making her miserable. I rarely see her smile a genuine smile anymore. Just let her live her life - without you." With that, Kris turned around and walked back into Allison's trailer, leaving Adam standing there. He slowly turned around heartbroken, and started walking away, his head down. His life was officially over.**

_"_**_just a breakdown of the heart  
I'm lost for words that wont mean a thing  
a tragic ending  
a farewell to  
a friendship that meant  
nothing at all  
you let her in  
you let her win  
is there anything else  
to break or mend a bond as strong as ours  
that wallow all through love  
all through life_**

_**I'm lost for words  
with one last breath  
for me to take from you  
now gasp for air  
theres nothing left  
for me to take from you..."  
****-A Farewell To Friendship by A Change of Pace**_

_

* * *

_

**Kris was chasing Allison around the room, trying to tickle her. "Kris, NO!" she yelled, laughing. He was gaining fast. Kris finally caught up to her and started tickling her unmercifully. She fell to the ground, with tears in her eyes from laughing so hard. He scooped her up in his arms and spun her around. She was laughing even harder now. "Kris, put me down!" she said, still laughing. **

**Just as he was about to put her down, there was a loud crash. Allison screamed. Her trailer started shaking. Kris quickly put her down. "What...what was that?" she asked him shakily. She buried her face in his chest and hugged him. **

"**I'm going to go check outside," Kris said. You stay here!" Allison nodded. With that, Kris let go of her, and walked out the door. Allison bit her lip nervously and sat on the couch, waiting.**

**About 5 minutes later, Kris came back in. Allison breathed a sigh of relief. Then, she noticed he looked pretty flustered. "What WAS that?" she asked nervously. **

"**I...I didn't find anything," he finally said, after a few seconds. She could tell he was lying. **

"**Are you SURE?" she asked again. This time Kris smiled a bit.**

"**Don't worry baby, everything's fine. Relax." she gave him a little smile. Something inside her said he was still lying, but she let it go. He obviously wasn't going to tell her anyway. **

"**Hey, wanna watch a movie or something Allie?" he asked her. "It might help you get your mind off this whole ordeal." Honestly, whatever happened was the last thing on her mind right now. She couldn't have cared lass now. All she could think about was Adam. During that loud crash, she just wanted to be with Adam, and wrap her arms around him while he comforted her. Sure, of course Kris was there for her. She loved Kris, but only like a brother/sister kind of love. She wasn't really sure how Adam felt about her. All she knew is that she loved him with all of her heart. No matter how many times he got drunk and upset her in some way, she couldn't stay away from him. He was like a drug to her, and she was addicted to him. She saw Kris' hand wave in front of her face.**

"**Earth to Allie...you wanna watch the movie or not?" he said.**

"**Oh yeah, sorry. Um...I guess, sure," she said. They sat down on the couch and started the movie.**

_

* * *

_

**Kris couldn't focus on the movie. All he could think about was what he'd done. He looked at Allison. She looked so sweet and innocent sitting there. He was starting to feel REALLY guilty. He shouldn't have been so harsh on Adam. He only came there to apologize. Kris shook his head. Yeah, he'd apologize, and Allison would forgive and forget. Again. **

**Adam couldn't be trusted. He'd only hurt her again soon enough. Allie didn't deserve to keep going through that. But what about Adam? He sighed, but then shook off the guilt. **

**Adam had brought this over himself with his constant drinking. And Allison came first to Kris. She was like a little sister to him, and he'd do whatever it took to protect her. Sure, Adam was a great friend to him. Well, at least when he wasn't drinking. Allison was his main priority though. He couldn't let her get hurt again. She shouldn't have to deal with that. And if that meant keeping her away from Adam, then so be it.**


	5. Chapter 5

_**CHAPTER 5**_

"_**Take me for granted,  
**__**make me feel used.  
**__**Leave me in pieces;  
**__**Misery is company  
**__**'Cuz I know that it's real  
**__**I've learned to love the pain  
**__**'Cuz that's the only way that I know how to feel..."  
**__**-Only Way I Know How To Feel by Boys Like Girls**__**"**_

**  
Adam stumbled into his apartment, tears burning in his eyes. Barely able to see, he stumbled into his bathroom, hands searching for the blade; unable to remember where he put it. He screamed out in frustration. After searching frantically, he finally found it under a towel next to his sink. He picked it up - immediately digging the blade into his wrist, cutting over a previous scar. He kept digging deeper into his skin until a small trickle of blood came out. **

**But it wasn't deep enough. He dug it in even deeper, until his arm was gushing blood. He then started making another cut this one closer to his actual wrist. Being just as deep as the other one, it started gushing blood too. It still wasn't enough. He made three more deep cuts into his arm before collapsing in a heap on the bathroom floor. He was barely able to breathe and overwhelmed in pain. But, he didn't know if it was because of the pain in his arm or the pain in his heart.**

"_**I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut.  
**__**My weakness is that I care to much.  
**__**And my scars remind me that the past is real.  
**__**I tear my heart open just to feel..."  
**__**-Scars by Papa Roach**_

**  
About 15 minutes later Adam stood up, his knees buckling and very weak because of the blood loss. He grabbed the corner of the sink to help steady himself. Once he was up, he took a good look at himself in the mirror. His face was really pale. He opened the cupboard above the sink and took out the first aid kit. He then took out the gauze wrap and wrapped his entire left lower arm. He had to wrap it around over five times because he was bleeding so much the blood kept soaking through.**

**He carefully made his way to the couch, his knees almost giving out on him a few times. He sat down and sighed, covering his face in his hands. Why did these things always seem to happen to him? This was the SECOND time today he'd had to resort to cutting. Before it was just because he felt hollow and empty. He was just overwhelmed my stress. Now he was literally heartbroken. What Kris said had hurt. It was like one of his favorite quotes:**

"_**Sticks and stones may scar the skin,  
**__**but words tear through the soul within."**_

**  
That was 100% true. With physical pain, the scars eventually fade away. Emotional pain sometimes NEVER goes away, and basically SCARS you for life. **

**His life was completely empty and worthless. Drake was probably the closest person to him at the moment, and they weren't even that close because Adam was on tour. Drake was a self-centered jackass anyway. He could easily go on living his life without him. Not Kris. DEFINITELY not Allison. She was the light of his life - the only reason why he held on to his pathetic life. Without her, how was he supposed to live? There was no way in hell he could keep pretending to be happy.**

**During Idol, she had actually made him forget about his depression. After she was eliminated, he was a wreck. They were reunited for the finale for a short time, but then after had to endure those endless weeks before the Idol tour started. Once that started, they were so busy they slowly started growing apart. Now whatever was left of their friendship was basically over.**

"**_How many times should I stop and believe in myself,  
I don't believe much in anything.  
Ive seen enough of the pain and the shame and the blame,  
It don't amount up to anything.  
Now I, rewind back to a time where I could do anything and pay any price.  
And I, need time cause' I'm starting to think that the promises ain't worth the sacrifice  
And theres nothing for me here.  
Theres nothing for me here._**

**_How many nights should I walk in my sleep,  
and I dream of how much I wanna run away  
Ive had enough of the stress and the mess  
I cant take anymore I gotta getaway  
Now I, know why I'm empty inside and I'm sure I've only got myself to blame.  
And I, don't try to view the lies its just a waste of time I'll never be the same..."  
-Nothing for me Here by Dope_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**CHAPTER 6**_

**(3 weeks later)**

**_An empty room can be so deafening,  
The silence makes you wanna scream,  
It drives you crazy.  
I chased away the shadows of your name,  
And burned the picture in a frame,  
But it couldn't save me._**

_And how could we quit something we never even tried,  
Well you still can't tell me why._

_We built it up,  
To watch it fall.  
Like we meant nothing at all.  
I gave and gave the best of me,  
But couldn't give you what you need..."  
**-I Can't Hate You Anymore by Nick Lachey**_

**  
All of the Idols were hanging out backstage before the show, chatting like they always had. Adam lay sprawled out on the couch, watching them silently. He hadn't said a word to any of them in weeks. He was now completely alone. No one even seemed to notice. He clenched his fists and turned the music up louder. He watched Allison walk across the room over to Kris and start talking to him. He turned the volume up even louder, tuning them out, and getting lost in the music. He closed his eyes.**

_  
"_**_So I might try to leave it all behind  
I know tomorrow's not so bright now  
I'll say goodbye cause nothing good can last  
(you wear and figured no where fast)  
and today i don't know how to keep it all inside  
but i guess I'll let it slide..."  
_****_-Another Perfect Day by American Hi-Fi_**

_

* * *

_

**Allison walked into the room. Kris called her over to him, and they began to chat. She knew Kris was trying to get her mind off things. To get her mind off Adam. It wasn't working. No matter what, she couldn't stop thinking about him. He hadn't said a word to her since their last fight. He usually called back immediately after. This time, nothing. She didn't even care about the argument anymore. She just cared about him. She missed hearing his voice. **

"**Allison, are you listening to me?" she heard Kris say. She nodded nonchalantly. She looked over at Adam. He was on the couch listening to music. Alone. She bit her lip. He never talked to anyone anymore. He seemed so distant. So...empty. He even looked it. His face was becoming hollow, and it looked as if he hadn't shaved in a week or so. He was noticeably skinnier too. His eyes were also sunken into his head. He looked half dead.**

**Whenever he was backstage with the Idol crew, he'd be listening to his iPod. He stopped going to meet-and-greets, and passed on basically every interview. It wasn't like him. During the whole tour, he'd always seemed a little distant, but never THIS bad. She had to do something about it. She couldn't stand seeing him like this. **

**She heard Kris call out her name. She ignored him and started walking towards Adam. He hadn't noticed her, and was staring down at his iPod. As she got closer, she saw him turn up the volume. She didn't even know it could go that loud. Allison was about to get his attention when the lyrics of the song caught her ear:**

_  
"**I want you to burn, I want you to steal.  
**_**_I want you to bleed, and see how it feels.  
_****_I want you to beg, I want you to crawl.  
_****_Give more than you take, and smile through it all..."  
_****_-I Do It For You by Nick Lachey_**

**  
Allison knew those lyrics were directed towards her. She slowly turned and started off towards the door. She heard Kris call out her name again, but didn't care anymore. She headed off towards her trailer, tears burning in her eyes.**

_

* * *

_

**Kris saw Allison walk into the room, and immediately called her over. He started talking to her, but she seemed distant. She just kept nodding her head every so often. "Allison, are you listening to me?" he asked after a few minutes. She just nodded again. She wasn't even looking at him. He followed her gaze to - Adam. She couldn't get over him. Whenever him and Allison would talk, she'd always bring up Adam. Then after that she'd become distant, like she was now. Maybe he made the wrong decision keeping them apart. She obviously liked him more than a friend. **

**He kept trying to get her attention. Allison...Allie..." he said. She ignored him and started walking towards Adam. Then, she stopped and stood there for a minute. She sighed, looked down, then half walked/half ran out of the room. **

**Kris bit his lip. He now knew that he had indeed made the wrong decision keeping them apart. Without each other, they were both a wreck. Both so...empty. Even Adam was. He seemed in even worse condition than Allie. He hadn't shaved for quite some time, and always seemed exhausted. **

**Kris put a hand to his forehead and looked down. What had he done? He basically ruined his best friend AND little sister. No matter what it took, he was going to make things right again. He couldn't bare seeing either of them this way. He was going to fix things. Kris walked out of the room and towards his trailer to think.**

_

* * *

_

**Allison slammed the door of her trailer, letting the tears fall freely. Why does love have to be so complicated??? She paced around her trailer for a few minutes. Unable to stand the silence, she turned the radio on. The song that was playing almost broke her heart.**

_  
"_**_...So why does your pride make you run and hide?  
Are you that afraid of me?  
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside  
This is not how you wanted to be_**

_So baby I will wait for you  
Cause I don''t know what else i can do  
Don't tell me I ran out of time  
If it takes the rest of my life_

_Baby I will wait for you  
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true  
I really need you in my life  
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you....."  
_**_-Wait For You by Elliott Yamin_**

**  
She sat down and started crying harder. Those lyrics related to her so well. She loved Adam so much. She would do anything for him. If that meant waiting a lifetime to have him in her arms, then so be it. It would be worth the wait.**

**The song ended, and some fast beat song came on next. She didn't like it, so she started flipping through stations. She heard one of her favorite songs start. She gasped and started to cry again. She silently sang along, choking up here and there.**

_  
"_**_Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry  
Have you ever needed something so bad  
You can't sleep at night  
Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right  
Have you ever, have you ever_**

_Have you ever been in love  
Been in love so bad  
You'd do anything to make them understand  
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away  
You'd give anything to make them feel the same  
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart  
But you don't know what to say  
And you don't know where to start  
_

**_Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry  
Have you ever needed something so bad  
You can't sleep at night  
Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right  
Have you ever, have you ever_**

_Have you ever found the one  
You've dreamed of all of your life  
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes  
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to  
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you  
Have you ever closed your eyes and  
Dreamed that they were there  
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care  
_

**_Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry  
Have you ever needed something so bad  
You can't sleep at night  
Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right  
Have you ever, have you ever_**

_What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby  
What do I gotta say to get to your heart  
To make you understand how I need you next to me  
Gotta get you into my world  
'Cuz baby I can't sleep  
_

**_Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry  
Have you ever needed something so bad  
You can't sleep at night  
Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right  
Have you ever, have you ever..."  
_****_-Have You Ever? by Brandy_**


	7. Chapter 7

_**CHAPTER 7**_

**Adam slowly opened his eyes and yawned. Wow, he must've finally fallen asleep. He sat up, taking in his surroundings. He was backstage. He must've dozed off or something. He looked around. Most of the Idols had went somewhere else. Including Allison. Kris seemed to be gone too, but that wasn't as important. Allison was his main thought. No matter what he did, he couldn't get her out of his head. He couldn't sleep. He could barely eat. That morning he had weighed himself. He was 15 pounds less than he was before. **

**Adam got up and stretched. He saw a few of the Idols eying him warily. He sighed and walked out the door and headed towards his trailer. He walked in and took off his jacket. The blood had soaked through the bandages again. Over the past couple weeks, he'd cut himself multiple times, almost every time because of Allison. He was heartbroken without her. **

**He took the gauze wrap out of the bathroom and sat on the couch undoing the old bandage. It stung really badly. He winced from the pain. After he threw out the bloody bandages, he started unrolling more. He was about to wrap his arm again when he stopped. What was the point? He didn't see the point of living at all at the moment. Drake had broke up with him about a week ago. Allison and Kris still hadn't said a word to him. Maybe he should just leave his wound unwrapped. Then maybe he'd bleed to death, or it would get infected and end up killing him. Maybe. He threw the roll of gauze across the room and covered his face with his hands.**

"_**You know the happiest day of my life...  
**__**I swear the happiest day of my life  
**__**Is the day that I die..."  
**__**-The Day That I Die by Good Charlotte**_

* * *

**Kris nervously started walking towards Adam's trailer, trying to go over what he was going to say in his head. Adam had left his iPod backstage, and he was going to return it to him. He figured if he did that, it might help break the ice and keep Adam from slamming the door in his face.**

**He got to Adam's trailer, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door, then waited a few seconds. **

"**Whoever that is, go away!!!" he head Adam yell. He took another deep breath and opened the door. His eyes immediately fixed on Adam, and he gasped. He dropped the iPod on the ground. It hit the floor with a 'thud.' Adam's head snapped up and turned in his direction - his eyes wide. Adam tried to cover up the bloody mess that was left of his arm best as he could, but he eventually gave up seeing Kris' wide eyed expression. Plus, it hurt too much to have it against anything.**

"**Why are you here?" Adam said after about a minute, breaking the almost endless silence. Kris' mind went blank. "I...uh...I found your iPod backstage, and I...I thought I'd...drop it off..."Kris said, fumbling for words. He bent down to pick the iPod off the ground, eyes never leaving Adam's. He stood there, frozen. **

**Seeing Kris wasn't going to move, Adam sighed and walked over to him and snatched the iPod from his hands. Kris stared at Adam - noticing things he'd never noticed before in his old friend's eyes. Sadness. Grief. Misery. Emptiness. Regret. Betrayal. Loneliness. Depression. He couldn't look away.**

* * *

**Adam stood there in the doorway with his old friend. Kris still hadn't moved. "What...what did you do to your arm?" Kris asked him, his voice cracking a bit. **

"**This...this cat cat, yeah. It just came up and like, attacked me," he lied. He knew it was a horrible lie. He knew Kris wouldn't believe it for a second. Kris was too smart to believe it. Kris knew him too well.**

**Silence filled the room. He was waiting for Kris to flip out and start screaming at him. He was waiting for the lectures to pour out. Nothing. Silence. Adam couldn't take it. "Go ahead. Start lecturing me about what a stupid fuckhead I'm being, and how stupid this is. I can take it. Go ahead." Still nothing from Kris. His expression was blank.**

**Finally Kris responded. He did the last thing Adam ever thought he would do. He heard a sob escape Kris' throat. Adam watched Kris collapse to his knees, covering his face with his hands. Adam was really confused, and basically STUNNED. He'd NEVER saw Kris cry before, let alone sobbing on the ground. Kris wasn't the type of guy to do that. **

"**This...this is all my fault!" he sobbed. Adam immediately bent down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. **

"**Kris, it's NOT your fault," Adam said.**

"**Yes it is! How could I have been so stupid as to have not noticed this?! I'll tell you; I've been too wrapped up in my own, selfish needs to notice one of my best friends was hurting. It's MY fault you and Allison aren't friends now, it's MY fault you're like this!"**

"**I've been like this for years, it's not your fault! I've been doing this..." He gestured towards his arm. "...for over three years. And, I've been depressed since high school basically, even before that. The things you said - as harsh as it was, it needed to be say. I've quit my binge drinking now. You saved me from that."**

**Kris looked up and quickly wiped away the tears forming in his eyes, and pulled Adam in for a nice, manly hug. "I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry buddy, can you ever forgive me?" Kris asked. Adam gave a little smile. "I already have."**

"**_I heard, heard myself  
Say things I take back  
If I could, could retell  
And make these stories last  
I see, see shadows  
Of who you'll always be  
I drive, drive these roads  
Made of memories_**

_And we were only kids  
And we were best of friends  
And we hoped for the best  
And let go from the rest  
Shadows and regrets  
Let go from the rest..."  
**-Shadows and Regrets by Yellowcard**_

**  
Adam smiled a genuine smile for the first time in weeks. He finally had his friend back. The both got off the ground. "You know, you really SHOULD wrap that or something..." Kris said. Adam knew there was no sense in arguing, so he reluctantly agreed.**

**After Adam cleaned and re-wrapped his arm, him and Kris sat down and talked for about an hour and a half; Adam doing most of the talking. He told Kris basically everything. About all of his battles of depression, the cutting, and the multiple attempts at suicide. Kris listened intently, nodding every so often and telling him to go on. **

**He even told Kris about his feelings for Allison. He was a little reluctant to do that at first, because he knew how protective Kris was of her. "Don't worry dude, I'm gonna try to make things right again. I'm gonna help you get your girl," he said to Adam, giving him a dopey grin. Adam laughed. It felt good to laugh again. He smiled. "Now come on," said Kris, getting up.**

"**Where we going?" he asked Kris. **

"**I told ya, I'm gonna help you get yo' girl." Adam smiled. His girl. He followed Kris out the door. Things were finally looking up.**

_  
"**For the first time in a long time  
**_**_I can say that I want to try.  
_****_I feel helpless for the most part,  
_****_But I'm learning to open my eyes.  
_****_And the sad truth of the matter is  
_****_I'll never get over it, but I'm gonna try  
_****_To get better, and overcome each moment  
_****_In my own way_**

**_I so wanna get back on track.  
_****_And I'll do whatever it takes  
_****_Even if it kills me..."  
_****_-Even If It Kills Me by Motion City Soundtrack_**


	8. Chapter 8

_**CHAPTER 8**_

**Adam and Kris slowly made their way to Allison's trailer. Adam was a nervous wreck. What was she going to say? How would she react? Would she even forgive him? He hadn't spoken to her in weeks. Was a simple apology enough? **

**They approached the door to her trailer. Seeing Adam wasn't going to; Kris knocked on Allison's door. She answered about a minute later. "Hey Kris, hey...Adam?" she said, surprised to see him, and even more surprised to see him there with Kris. **

"**Hey Allison," said Kris, sneaking by her and into her trailer. He quickly shut the door and locked it before she could do anything. Allison sighed and looked down. **

**Hey Allie..." Adam said quietly, not moving from his spot. He didn't even glance up. Allison stepped out more so she was next to him.**

**_I can feel the color running  
As it's fading from my face  
Try to speak but nothing's coming  
Nothing I could say to make you stay..."  
-Talk You Down by the Script_**

"**Why are you here?" she finally asked after a moment of silence. She bit her lip, trying not to show too much emotion. So many thoughts were running though her head. It was almost spinning. She stared up at him. He shifted position and stared down at the ground. Finally after about a minute or two he spoke. **

"**Look Allie, I know you're probably mad at me. I basically haven't spoken to you in almost a month, ignoring you basically with no explanation. I feel horrible about that. Also about that one night. I was just drunk. I don't mean ANY of what I said that night. I love you, and I never meant to hurt you like I did. Or any of the other times. Since that day I've been sober though. I didn't...no, I COULDN'T stand hurting you again. I miss you. SO much. I can't stand not seeing you for any longer. I hope you don't hate me. I REALLY hope we can be friends again." **

**After Adam finished his little speech, he looked up. Allison had tears in her eyes. He sighed. "Look, don't cry Allison. I..." Before he could finish, Allison threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "Of COURSE I forgive you, you idiot." He smiled. "I've missed you too. SO much!" She said, burying her face in his chest and taking in his oh-so-familiar scent. She had missed that. She had missed this. She missed HIM. She finally had him back though. And she wasn't going to let him go.**

_

* * *

_

**As the two finally pulled away, Kris walked out of Allison's trailer. "And we're all friends again!" Kris grinned. **

"**And I suppose you were eavesdropping, right?" said Adam. He smiled and turned towards Kris. **

"**You know it! But hey, I gave you guys you're space, just listening. So if you guys like, started making out or something..."**

**Allison whacked him on the arm. Kris grabbed his arm. "Okay, OW!" Adam laughed. He had missed this so much. **

"**Hey, let's go inside and have a movie night like we used to," Allison suggested. Both boys nodded. "Yeah, that would be fun!" Adam said. She squealed with delight and clapped her hands. Both Kris and Adam laughed. **

"**Sounds good, we probably shouldn't stay up too late though. We have to perform tomorrow. Which means we have to get back to our tour buses sometime soon so we make it to the next city on time." Kris said. Allison rolled her eyes. "Kris, stop being such a loser."**

"**Yeah, we can always csll our drivers and tell them to meet us in the next city. Easy."**

**They both stared at Kris pleadingly until he finally caved in. He sighed. "Fine, you win." Allison squealed again. "SLEEPOVER!" **

**Adam laughed a little nervously. This was just a fun movie night. Like they used to do all the time. This time they were staying the night though. That still shouldn't be such a big deal. He had before with Allison. It's just now he finally understood his feelings for her. But it wasn't like he'd be able to act upon them. He looked over at Kris, who seemed to be staring at him. They exchanged glances.**

"**Well, come on guys!" said Allison, breaking the silence - completely oblivious as to what was going on between the boys. "We gonna do this or not?" she said, looking at the both of them. **

"**I don't know..." said Kris, looking at Adam out of the corner of his eye, waiting for his reaction.**

**Adam thought for a moment. "Yeah, come on Kris. It'll be fun!" He wanted to be able to hang out with Allie like old times. Not alone though. He didn't yet trust himself to be alone with her. Who knows what might happen.**

"**Okay, sure..." Kris finally agreed, a little reluctantly. **

"**Okay, you guys make your calls to your drivers or whatever. I''m going to go find some cool movies, and get some popcorn going!" She skipped off into her trailer. Adam and Kris both called their drivers and told them to head off to the next city without them. Allison grabbed a handfull of movies, then went and told her driver it was okay for them to leave now. She came back a minute later. **

"**Movie time!" she said. The followed her over to the TV and sat down on the couch. "Which movie first: Cloverfield or Liar Liar?" she asked them. **

"**Funny movie first!" said Adam. Kris nodded in agreement. **

"**Okay!" Allison popped the movie in the DVD player and pressed play, then squeezed in between the two boys. Adam put his arm around Allison, causing her to smile. They sat in silence as the movie started.**


	9. Chapter 9

_**CHAPTER 9:**_

**Allison couldn't concentrate on the movie. She kept glancing over at Adam, who seemed to be off in his own little world as well. They were finally together again. As friends. She stared up at him longingly. She wanted so badly for him to be hers. It was almost killing her. It was torture having to sit next to him and not do anything. Just sit there. She felt as if she'd explode. Allison was dying to know how Adam felt. Did he like her too, or was she just a close friend? Or a "little sister." **

**She couldn't help to think back to Adam's little apology 'speech' he had given. That he could not stand not seeing her. THAT HE LOVED HER. She didn't know what to make of that. What kind of love? The kind of 'I love you' you say to your grandparents before you drive away? The kind you say to your best friend before she moves away? Or the kind you say to that one person you would give your life for - the person you could spend the rest of your life with. Which was the way Adam felt?**

**She heard Kris laugh at a funny part in the movie. She pretended to laugh too, and tried to turn her attention back to the movie. There wasn't much else to do. Adam and her were friends again, and that's all that mattered. She couldn't ruin that.**

* * *

**She looked so gorgeous. Adam stared at Allison as she watched the movie. Watched her laugh as a funny scene came on. Oh what a beautiful laugh. She was almost glowing. He just wanted to pull her close and whisper "I love you" in her ear. And kiss her. Kiss her like there was no tomorrow. He stared at her mouth. Her lips were pursed together as if she were thinking. She started tapping her fingers on Adam's leg nonchalantly, focusing on her own thoughts. Her touch ran chills up his spine. Such a simple, unintentional touch it was. Her touch was magical though. It drove him crazy. They had just started being friends again, and already Adam was again falling head over heels for her. **

**What was he to do though? Tell her how she felt? What would happen to their friendship then? It would be over. Just like that. She wasn't even at legal age yet. He'd seem like a pervert, and he'd lose his best friend yet again. He couldn't let that happen. Not this time. He would just have to learn to live with his burning feelings and hold them in. If that meant being able to be friends with Allie, it'd be worth it.**

"_**I have you in my heart  
no distance could keep me apart, love.  
you are the only thing  
thats keeping my heart still beating.  
'cause i just can't let you go  
even if you wanted to  
you know that you'll always have my heart  
and I'm not letting you go..."  
**__**-My Heart by My Favorite Highway**_

* * *

**(The next day)**

**Adam yawned and opened his eyes. Wow, he must've fallen asleep during the movie or something. He looked around. He was still in Allison's tour bus. On her couch. Kris was no where to be seen. Allison had fallen asleep, her head resting on his lap. He sat up a little more, looking down at her. She looked so peaceful there. So...beautiful.**

**He ran his fingers through her hair, causing her to stir a little. He stopped moving his fingers and watched her settle down again. God, she was perfect. Even when she slept. She yawned in her sleep and rolled over. Adam moaned. Oh God. He needed to get up. Now. **

**Hastily he grabbed a nearby couch pillow. He carefully slid out from under Allison, sliding the pillow in his place. He started towards the bathroom, but was stopped by a grinning Kris. "Hey dude, have fun?" he smiled slyly. **

"**Haha, very funny. Just let me by, I'm going to take a shower or something," Adam said, trying to step by Kris. Kris moved in front of him. "What about Allison? She gonna join you? It seems like you want her to!" Kris grinned. **

**Adam glared at him. "You're an ass. Now come on, MOVE!" He pushed Kris to the side and went into the bathroom. Kris chuckled to himself and went to wake up Allison.**

* * *

**Allison yawned and stretched. Remembering last night, she sat up and looked around. Kris was sitting on the couch next to her watching TV. Adam was no where to be seen. "Kris, where's Adam?" she asked. Kris looked like he was about to burst. **

"**He's...he's taking a shower!" He quickly covered his mouth and stifled a laugh. She stared at him. Yup, he was losing it. Either that or he was high. You couldn't really tell with Kris. "Uh...okay."**

"**You wanna join him?" Kris finally said, and burst out laughing. She rolled her eyes. Sometimes she swore HE was the younger one, not her. **

"**Wow. Yeah, haha. You're SO funny..." she said sarcastically. **

"**Uh huh. You KNOW you wanna!" Kris laughed. She punched him in the arm. "You're such a perv." He backed up a little, looking like he was about to run. Oh crap. Here it comes. **

"**Yeah, resorting to insults," he said. "When you know you can't deny it! You still haven't denied it!" She glared at him.**

"**You're dead to me!" Kris jumped over the couch and ran past her screaming. "I swear to God you're SO dead!" She lunged at him, but missed. He ran into her bedroom.**

"**God doesn't appreciate you swearing to him Allie!" He jumped to the other side of the bed.**

"**You can't run Kris!" she said to him from the other side of the bed. "We're on a moving bus. There's no place to go!" Kris glanced at the bathroom door out of the corner of his eye. "Wanna bet?"**

**Oh shit! She jumped over the bed trying to grab him. He ran around and grabbed the handle of the bathroom door. He turned it, holding it open a few inches. She froze. **

"**Pretty sure you're not going to follow me in here," he smirked. "Even though I KNOW you want to!" Just before Allison could grab him, he slipped inside the bathroom. Adam saw Kris come in and immediately covered himself up with the shower curtain. He stuck his head out.  
**

"**Dude, what the fuck?!" Adam said sort of angrily. **

"**Chill," said Kris. "I'm only hiding from Allison. I figured she wouldn't followed me in here. Plus we were roommates Idol, so there's not much of you I haven't seen." **

**Adam sighed and securely shut the curtain. He heard Allison pounding on the door. "Jeez Allie, how badly DO you wanna be in here?" Kris said to her mockingly through the door. Hmm, that's weird. Did Kris know something he didn't? **

**Allison banged on the door harder. "Adam, you better get some clothes on, because in 2 minutes I'm coming in to beat Kris' ass!" she yelled. Adam laughed and turned the water off, reaching his arm out and searching for his clothes. **

"**No need for that buddy!" Kris said and smirked. **

"**Haha, very funny," Adam said sarcastically. "I'd rather have my clothes ON though. Then I can watch Allie kick your ass!" Adam slipped his jeans on. **

"**Yeah, thanks man," said Kris in a sarcastic tone. **

"**Anytime!" Adam grinned. "You probably deserve it though, for whatever you did to piss her off so bad." He pulled his shirt over his head. "What DID you do anyway?" he asked, looking over at Kris. **

"**Um...well...you see..." Kris started, fumbling for the right words to say. Most likely looking for a good lie. What DID Kris know that he wasn't telling him?**

* * *

**Allison waited about a minute more, then threw open the door. She quickly glanced over at Adam to make sure he was fully clothed. He was. It looked as if he didn't dry off though. He was wearing a white shirt too, which made it pretty hot. She stood there for a few seconds, admiring his abs through the see-through shirt. **

**I told ya!" Kris yelled, running past Allison and out the door. Adam looked at her questionably. She blushed, then turn and ran after Kris. "You're about to become the first American Idol to die from having his ass kicked!" she yelled and lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. She got up then sat on his back and pushed his face into the ground. **

**Adam was in hysterics now. "Now say you're sorry and take it back!" she said through gritted teeth. **

"**Why should I? It was true!" he said, his voice muffled by the carpet. She started bouncing up and down on his back. "Say you're sorry!"**

**After about a minute of that, Kris gave in. "Okay...I...will..." he said between bounces. "Just...stop...bouncing!" She stopped bouncing and took her hand off the back of his head. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled. "I take it back..."**

**Allison got off is back and helped him up. "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"she said cheerfully. Kris glared at her and groaned. Adam's laughter finally died down. He wiped a tear from his eye. **

"**Dude, you just got beat up by a GIRL!" Adam said, putting a hand on Kris' shoulder. Allison turned and glared at him. "You wanna be next?" **

**Adam stepped behind Kris and put his hands up in defense. "No thanks." **

**Allison smiled and laughed. "That was fun."**

"**Yeah, for you..." Kris mumbled under his breath. Allison rolled her eyes and grinned.**

"**What WERE you guys fighting about anyway?" Adam asked curiously. Allison bit her lip and looked down. He then turned to Kris. Again, Kris started fumbling for words. **

"**Well, just...um...yeah, you wouldn't get it," he finally said, looking down. Allison smiled and mouthed 'thanks' to him. He nodded. Adam looked back and forth between the two. They were hiding something from him. And he was going to find out what.**


	10. Chapter 10

_**CHAPTER 10:**_

**A couple weeks had passed, and Adam was feeling great. Things were finally looking up. With his friends by his side, he found himself a lot happier. He was starting to cut himself a lot less often. He hadn't stopped completely though. It had become like a habit. A bad habit that he just couldn't break. His friends couldn't help with EVERYTHING. He was also having a lot more fun performing. Especially with Allison. **

**Slow Ride was his favorite song to perform. They always had so much fun laughing and goofing around on stage. They got close too. REALLY CLOSE. That was nice. He wish that lasted off the stage as well. Basically everyone sensed something in their performance. Even the fans. He'd seen too many 'Adison' posters to count. Sometimes they would tease the crowd by doing romantic gestures. Just to see how they would react. They both usually just ignored them though. That was the easiest thing to do. At least he thought. **

**It was getting harder to hide his true feelings. Especially now since Kris knew. Kris would always try to set them up so they were alone together. And when they were together, he'd make pervy jokes. That wasn't like him. He always seemed to be hiding something too. It was strange. But oh well. At least he got to be with Allison more.**

* * *

**Allison stared at Adam as he performed yet another perfect rendition of Mad World. He was amazing. He could put so much emotion into just one song. She felt a hand rest on her shoulder, causing her to jump. She turned around to see Kris grinning. **

"**Damn Kris, don't sneak up on me like that!" she said, putting a hand on her now-racing heart. "You're going to give me a frickin heart attack!" He just smiled wider. She glared at him. **

"**You EVER going to tell Adam how you feel about him?" he asked her right out of the blue. She sighed. **

"**I don't know. It's not that easy..." she said, looking down.**

"**Yeah it is. Three words. I love you. Simple."**

"**Yeah, but the hard part is actually SAYING them. I can't bring myself to say anything. It's just going to make things awkward anyway. It's not like he's going to feel the same way anyway."**

**Kris hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. "What?" she asked.**

"**I can't take it anymore!" he said, throwing his hands up in the air. "You are both so stubborn. And oblivious! Neither of you can realize that you two are MEANT for each other. You both like each other. Allie, he DOES like you. He likes you a LOT..." **

**Allison stood there, confused about Kris' little rant. "How...how do you know that?"**

"**Because he told me!"**

**She stood there, shocked. Was it really true? How could it be? It was just too unreal. "How long have you known?" she asked softly. **

"**A few weeks."**

**This wasn't happening. It couldn't be true. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him close and right to her eye level. "Then, why didn't you TELL ME?!"**

"**Because I figured this wasn't the way you wanted to figure out! I figured you'd want to hear it from Adam himself, or that maybe you'd tell HIM. Why do you think I've been acting the way I have for the past few weeks?! You know that's not me. I've been trying to make you guy tell each other, or at least say SOMETHING! But nope, nothing. You guys are both idiots." **

**Allison let go of Kris' shirt and stepped back. It felt as if she was in a dream. Her head was spinning. He...he loved her back. He ACTUALLY loved her back. She had to be dreaming. She had to. But she wasn't. It was all real.**

**She heard the intro of Slow Ride begin to play. Adam started thankig everyone for voting. In a daze, she grabbed her mic. Adam then introduced her. As "my friend, the rocker...Allison Iraheta!" Not as "my little sister" anymore. Everything had changed.**

**The crowd screamed and Kris shoved her onto the stage. Hearing the screaming fans snapped her out of her daze. Now was not the time. She would tell him after they exited the stage. It was perfect. **

**Allison belted out the lyrics to the song, prancing over towards Adam. Then he started singing. His beautiful, melodic voice. He was perfection. And soon he would be hers.**

* * *

**Adam sung out the lyrics to Slow Ride, almost getting lost in them. Almost. Off to the side of the stage were a big group of teenage guys Whenever Allison would go over to that side of the stage, they would hoot and holler and make cat calls. A lot of sexual gestures too. One of them even threw their boxers at her, missing her head by only about a foot or two. **

**And if that wasn't bad, when he went to that side of the stage, they started booing and shouting rude remarks.**

"**Get away from us gay boy!"**

"**Yeah you fag, we don't want any of that here!"**

"**You disgusting animal. You're going against God! Change your evil ways before it's too late!"**

**He could feel the tears burning in his eyes. But he couldn't cry. He couldn't let them see him cry. He held the tears in and walked to the center of the stage. Away from the guys. His voice started cracking a bit as he sang. Allison must've noticed, because she turned and started walking towards him. **

"**What's wrong?" she mouthed to him. He couldn't look at her. He just stared down at the ground. During the last note of the song when the smoke started to come up, she grabbed his hand and have it an encouraging squeeze. She tilted her head to the side and looked up at him. Adam knew she knew something was up.**

* * *

**The song ended and they were engulfed in the smoke. Allison immediately turned off her mic. "Adam, what's wrong?" she asked, trying to pull him in for their usual hug. Adam didn't say anything. Instead, he stormed off the stage. **

**Allison stood there, confused. Coming to her senses, she slowly exited the stage as well, thinking. Why was Adam so upset? Was he mad at her? She was pretty sure she didn't do anything wrong. Then why was Adam so upset? After about a minute it hit her. Those guys. Maybe Adam heard what they were saying to her. Or maybe they said something to him. That could be why he went to the center of the stage so soon, earlier than he usually did. That's also when he seemed the most upset. She looked around. Yeah, she still had some time before the finale. Those punks were going down.**


	11. Chapter 11

_**CHAPTER 11:**_

**Allison quickly searched through her clothes, frantically throwing various items left and right. Finally, she located it. Her hoodie. She slipped it on over her head, making sure her hair was tucked in. She couldn't let anyone recognize her. Couldn't let anything blow her cover. **

**She pulled the hood over her head and began to walk, having to sneak into the audience. The Idols couldn't see her. They wouldn't let her go through this. Kris was on stage too. She couldn't let him stop her. She squeezed past a few rows of people. Then, she found them. The guys were right in front of her. Right ahead.**

**Far away, this had seemed like a simple task. Up close, she saw she might have some difficulty. Up close, she could see how they really looked. Hear how they really sounded. For one thing, they probably weren't teenagers. Maybe in their mid to early 20's. Either that or they were drinking underage. And that might be the case. They looked like the type of guys that would do that; many of them with piercings and wearing a lot of torn and ragged clothing. A few of them even had tattoos. Some were also smoking. So basically, they didn't look like the friendly type. "Come on, you can do this..." she told herself. "For Adam."**

**She began to walk towards them, but stopped in her tracks when she heard what they were saying. **

"**Yo dude, did ya see that dude's face when we dissed him? That little fucker looked as if he was about to cry! That's just like a little gay boy." The group erupted in laughter, each patting him on the back and giving him high fives. Allison couldn't take it anymore. She marched up right in front of them.**

"**What did you just say?!" she said angrily, stepping up in front of the guy that had made those comments. The guys all stopped laughing and turned towards her. She gulped quietly. About 10 against 1. She stood her ground though, crossing her arms and planting her feet on the ground.**

"**And who are you?" the guy that had been talking slurred. He had on a black leather jacket with spikes along the collar. The guy had on tight skinny jeans with many tears in them, and had a slight stubble along his chin. He also appeared to have about 3 lip piercings. His blond hair was cut short and gelled so it stood up. All that and he didn't appear to be much older than her. **

"**Hey, you that chick whats-her-face?" he asked, leaning close and squinting one eye in attempt to get a better look at her. Allison held her breath. "Ain't you in my history class or sumthin'?" he finally said after about a minute of thinking. She sighed with relief. He hadn't recognized her. She was safe.**

"**Uh huh, yeah. Sure. Now, I don't appreciate you yelling inappropriate comments at the Idols on stage. 'Gay Boy...'" she said, making air quotes "...didn't do anything to you. So can you just be nice and hmm...I don't know. Back off?!" **

**One of the other boys stepped up from behind the others and staggered towards her. He appeared to have been drinking quite a bit more than some of the others. "Girl, shut yo' mouth. What's yo' problem? We ain't hurtin' nobody. We gonna do whatever the hell we wanna do, and no little priss gonna tell us otherwise!" he said, breathing in her face. Allison crinkled her nose. The scent of the alcohol was pretty apparent. This dude was TOTALLY wasted. She wasn't going to let that stop her though.**

"**Well, this 'priss' is gonna kick your ass in about a minute if you don't get your homophobic butt outta here!"**

"**ooooohhhhhhh" the whole group said simultaneously. The guy sneered and took a step towards her, crossing his arms. **

"**Y'all better shut yo' mouth bitch. I gonna do whatever I wanna do, just like I said before. So shut your fucken mouth!" Allison took a step closer to him, getting inches from his face. **

"**No."**

"**oooohhhhh!" the others said again.**

"**You're the one that needs to shut their mouth!" Allison went on. "What you're saying is rude and just...cruel..."**

"**Oh, is THAT what this whole thing's about?" he interrupted. "This all about that fag?"**

"**Hey, don't call him that!" she shouted. "Do you know him? NO" she continued in a loud voice.**

"**Oh, I see..." he interrupted again. "The little bitch has a crush on gay boy. Sorry sweetie, but you ain't got no chance. Plus why you want all that? You don't know where that junk's been. You need a real man, princess. Not some gay ass pussy who..."**

**Before he could finish, Allison brought her arm back then swung it forward, punching him right in the face. He staggered back and grabbed his nose, which had already started bleeding. He wiped it with his sleeve. "You little bitch!" he said, and grabbed her arm. He threw her roughly to the ground. She hit it hard, landing on her arm. Allison groaned and sat up. The guys gasped. That's when she realized her hood had fallen down, revealing her bright red hair.**

"**Hey, you that singing chick!" one of the guys in the group said. **

"**That very HOT singing chick..." said the guy that had threw her down. He took a step towards her. She quickly hopped to her feet and started backing up. He kept getting closer though. Allison turned to run. Before she could though, the guy grabbed her arm. She screamed. **

**It all became a blur. Like the world was moving in slow motion. Next thing she knew, Kris was there. She was thrown to the ground again. Then, there was an all-out brawl. Fists were flying and fans were screaming. She couldn't see a thing. Somehow it seemed Kris seemed to overpower him. He ran out from the crowd that had formed around the two and over to her. He yanked her to her feet. **

"**Come on Allie, run!" she heard him shout. It was all still a blur. He grabbed her hand and they both ran through the crowd of screaming fans. Her head was spinning. All of a sudden she was backstage. Everything began to come clear again, including the furious look on Kris' face right in front of her. **

"**What the heck were you thinking Allie?!" he said, letting go of her hand finally. He started pacing back and forth. "How could you do something so stupid? So irresponsible? What if you had gotten hurt? You KNOW what's going to happen once this gets to the press that I had to jump off the stage right in the middle of a song to fight off a bunch of assholes and protect you?"**

**Allison opened her mouth to speak. Kris kept talking though, now pacing even faster.**

"**Yeah, that's sure going to be fun. Especially explaining the black eye I'm sure to get sooner or later. It's probably going to be all over youtube, and..."**

"**OKAY KRIS!" Allison finally said, interrupting his rant. Kris stopped his pacing to look at her. **

"**I'm sorry, okay?! I know I screwed up. I know it was stupid. I just...I...I gotta find Adam now. Where is he?" she asked.**

"**I don't know. Probably in his trailer or something. We don't have time to find him now though. We only have about..." he looked at his watch. "Crap, only about 3 minutes. We gotta get ready, come on..." he grabbed her hand once again and tried to pull her after him.**

"**Wait, what about Adam though? He's still not back."**

"**We're just going to have to cover for him. Now come on!" Kris said, giving her arm a quick tug. She sighed and reluctantly followed.**


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12:**

"**_They're finding me out,  
I'm having my doubts,  
I'm losing the best of me.  
Dressed up as myself, to live in the shadow,  
Of who I'm supposed to be._**

_We're all part of the same, sick little games,  
And I need a get-away (get away)  
I'm wasting my days, I throw them away,  
Losing it all on these sick little games..."  
_**_-Sick Little Games by All Time Low_**

**  
Adam slammed the door of the tour bus, looking wildly around. No one was there. He was alone. Tears streaming down his face, he ran straight to the bathroom. His head started spinning again. The words were pounding in his head. **

"**Gay boy."**

"**Disgusting animal."**

**Maybe he was. But really...could he help it? Was it his fault he was the way he was? No. Things were just different for him. Girls just didn't turn him on the way some guys did. Did that mean he was "against God?" **

**He was just different. He always had been. No one understood him. They never had. Always different. Always an outsider. Always being mocked and ridiculed for the way he did things. Whatever he did. And he would play it off as if he didn't care. But those words but him. They cut him deep. Just as his razor did. His razor. He glanced down at his wrist, then opened the cabinet. He pulled out the razor, examining it with his fingers. Still so sharp. Still stained with blood.**

_  
"_**_You're reaching out,  
And no one hears your cry.  
You're freaking out again  
'Cause all your fears remind you  
Another dream has come undone.  
You feel so small and lost  
Like you're the only one.  
You wanna scream,  
'Cause you're desperate._**

_You want somebody, just anybody  
To lay their hands on your soul tonight.  
You want a reason to keep believin'  
That some day you're gonna see the light..._

_You're in the dark;  
There's no one left to call.  
And sleep's you're only friend,  
But even sleep can't hide you  
From all those tears and all the pain  
And all the days you waste pushin' them away.  
It's your life; it's time you face it..."  
_**_-Desperate by David Archuleta_**

**  
Adam gripped it tightly with his hand and brought the cold metal down on his wrist, over a previous scar and brought it back to life. The blood began to flow out. The hurt began to come back. The pain. The agony. All began to come out through his agonizing sobs. No one liked him. No one cared. He dug the blade further into his wrist. The pain shot throughout his body. **

**He slowly slid the blade across his wrist, taking in the hurt. Taking in the pain. He was worthless. Just another pitiful soul in this great wide world. One life. Only one life among billions. No one knew him. No one cared. It was just one life. He was just one person. Useless.**

**Adam picked up the razor and dug it deep into his wrist, dragging it across slowly to cause more pain. Then again. And again. And again.**

_  
"_

**_Sometimes tears say all there is to say  
Sometime your first scars wont ever fade, away.  
Tried to break my heart,  
Well it's broke.  
Tried to hang me high,  
Well I'm choked.  
Wanted rain on me,  
Well I'm soaked  
Soaked to the skin._**

_It's the end where I begin  
It's the end where I begin._

_Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes  
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away..."  
**-The End Where I Begin by the Script**_

_

* * *

_

**After the finale, Allison made her way off the stage and past the other Idols. Most of them were peeved about Adam not showing up and were grumbling to themselves. They didn't know though. They didn't know. **

**Allison walked up to Adam's trailer and stood nervously outside the door. What was she doing? What was she even going to say? That Kris told her everything? That she knew how he felt? And, that she felt the same? Well, that was a start. How was she supposed to say that though? Whatever, it didn't matter. As long as they were finally together.**

**She smiled and knocked on the door. No answer. Adam had the music blasting it sounded like. He probably couldn't hear her. Thankfully, he had given her a spare key a while back. Allison dug the key out of her coat pocket and put it in the keyhole, slowly turning it until she head a soft 'click.' Grinning, she threw open the door. As soon as she spotted Adam, she let out a gasp. His arm was covered with blood. As he was holding a razor in his hand. Right up against his wrist. **


	13. Chapter 13

**_CHAPTER 13:_****  
****  
Adam heard a voice cry out over the drone of the music. His head snapped up. Allison. No. Please no. He dropped the razor and quickly turned the music down. "Allie..." he said quietly. He looked over at her. Her eyes were wide, her face set in pure shock. She started backing up towards the door. **

"**Allie, please! Wait! Don't go. PLEASE!"**

"**Adam...what do you expect me to do?" she said quietly. Tears were forming in her eyes. "How could you? How could you do this?!" she cried out, her voice rising. She kept backing up. **

"**No Allie, you can't go. Please. You can't. I can't live without you. Really, I can't. You light up my life, Allison. You make it actually worth living."**

**More tears were forming in her eyes. Her expression was completely unreadable though. "Allie? Please baby, answer. Say something. ANYTHING. I need to know." Silence. "Allie?" he said again. **

**Allison opened her mouth to speak. Nothing came out. She shut it again tightly. "Allie?" he said yet again, this time in a much quieter and softer tone. Tears were forming in his eyes. "Baby?"**

"**No...no Adam..." she studdered. "Don't call me that." Her bottom lip started quivering. "I can't...I can't do this. I just can't..." she took a step back. **

**Tears were streaming down his face now. "Please Allie, don't go. Don't leave me. I don't think I can go another day without you. You are my life. My world. And...and I love you." Allison stopped and turned to look at him. Her eyes began to water again. Her expression was completely blank. She stood there. Motionless. Adam took a deep breath. **

"**Yes Allie, I love you. I'm in love with you. Madly in love. I have been for so long. From the moment we meant I knew you were special. I know you may be younger then me and I know you might not feel the same. It's stupid to feel the way I feel. But, I can't help it..." he started walking towards her slowly. "You're smart, funny, feisty, gorgeous...just all-around perfect..." He walked up to her and grabbed her hand, holding it tightly with both of his. He stared deeply into her beautiful brown eyes. They seemed to almost sparkle in the light. She stared up at him. Her expression was still unreadable. "Allison, I love you."**

**Allison's bottom lip started to quiver again. She turned her head away and looked down. "Adam, I...I can't. No. I can't do this. No...NO!" she said, suddenly shouted. Adam took a step back, letting her hand drop. "You have problems Adam," she said, lowering her voice. "You really do. I can't do this now. Those guys were right about you..." she turned and grabbed the door handle. "Goodbye..." she whispered, , then turned the handle and opened the door. She half walked, half ran out of his trailer, slamming the door behind her. **

"_**Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
Nothing's gonna make this right again  
Please don't turn your back  
I can't believe it's hard  
Just to talk to you  
But you don't understand**_

**_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry I can't be perfect..."  
-Perfect by Simple Plan_**

**  
Adam began sobbing. She walked out. She didn't love him. His heart began racing as he sobbed uncontrollably. All of his previous feelings came back. The hurt. The pain. The agony. It was all almost too much to bare. It WAS too much to bare. And he couldn't bare it any longer. Not now. Not anymore. His life wasn't worth it. Not without her. She was gone. He was alone. No reason to live.**

"_**Just a breakdown of the heart  
I'm lost for words that wont mean a thing  
a tragic ending, a farewell to  
a friendship that meant nothing at all.  
You let her in  
you let her win.  
Is there anything else  
to break or bend a bond as strong as ours  
that wallow all through love  
all through life.**_

_**I'm lost for words  
with one last breath  
for me to take from you.  
Now gasp for air  
theres nothing left  
for me to take from you..."**_  
**_-A Farewell to Friendship by A Change of Pace_**

**  
He went over and grabbed his razor again. He brought it up to his wrist. The blood already there was starting to dry. He was about to dig it in when he stopped. Why? What was the point? It didn't kill him. No. It only seemed to make his life more difficult. No. Not today. Today was his time. His time to die. Life really just wasn't worth it anymore. Not without Allison. **

**He ran out of the trailer and towards Kris' car. Thankfully it was unlocked. He wiped his eyes with his bare, bloody arm in attempt to wipe away the tears and see better. It only managed to make things worse.  
**

"_**Don't want to leave a trace.  
And from the rear-view, I've got clear view, of who I used to be.  
A little bit faster now, don't wanna turn around.**__**  
**_

_**I'm gonna pack my bags, and never look back.  
Run a parallel line with the railroad tracks, and make my get away.  
I put the pedal to the metal as the sun goes down.  
Leave everybody sleeping in this sleepy town tonight.  
And at the break of day, I'll be a runaway! I'll be a runaway..."**_  
**_-Runaway by Love and Theft_**

**  
Adam climbed into the driver's seat and started pulling apart wires. Thank God he'd learned how to hot wire a car. He separated a few wires and put together some others. The engine roared to life. Adam stepped on the gas and headed out of the parking lot, making a sharp right onto the busy road. He held the gas petal down. 50...60...70... He kept speeding up. Tires screeched and horns blared as he sped down the road through a red light. Still no car hit him though. Still he was alive.**

**He screamed out in rage and slammed down on the gas again. 70...80...90... He closed his eyes and took his hands off the wheel. His car slowly started to drift into the other lane. More cars began honking. More tires screeched. More cars swerved. He kept drifting sideways, still picking up speed. **

**Suddenly, the road became really bumpy. The car's front lurched forward, tipping forward. Then, it stopped. Adam opened his eyes. A ditch. He was in a ditch. Right on the side of the road. He pressed down on the gas petal again. The car didn't budge. He screamed and hit his head against the steering wheel. Why wouldn't he die?! He heard a train whistle in the distance. He lifted his head off the steering wheel. A train. The railroad tracks. That could finish the job. Nothing could screw that up. That could finish the job. **

**Adam climbed out of the car and started walking towards the sound of the train whistle. Not too far away he found the tracks. He could see the train in the distance. Barely though. It was so far away. But fastly approaching.**

**Adam stood right at the edge of the tracks, ready to step on when needed. He wasn't going to let the train have a chance to slow down. He also wasn't going to miss it either. He was ready. Words of hate pounded in his ears. **

"**Stupid." **

"**Worthless."**

"**Nobody." **

"**Fag."**

"**Scum." **

"_**Broken down like a mirror smashes to pieces.  
You learned the hard way  
to shut your mouth and smile.  
If these walls could talk,  
they would have so much to say.  
Cause every time you fight,  
the scars are gonna heal.  
But they're never gonna go away**__**  
**_  
**_There's only hate.  
There's only tears.  
There's only pain.  
There is no love here.  
So what will you do?  
There's only lies.  
There's only fear.  
There's only pain.  
There is no love here.  
What will you do?..."  
-No Love by Simple Plan  
_**

**Those guys were right about him. Just like Allison said. Allison. He started crying again. The train was getting closer. And closer. Rapidly. **

**The ground started to shake. The train whistle blared. Adam slowly stepped on the tracks. He stood his ground, closing his eyes and covering his ears. The train's whistle went off again. It kept getting closer. It was almost upon him. No stopping it now. The ground was shaking even more. The roar of the train was almost deafening. It was almost there. He screamed. **


	14. Chapter 14

_**CHAPTER 14:**_

**Allison ran into her trailer and slammed the door. Tears were streaming down her face. How could Adam do that? How could he purposely hurt himself?! WHY? Was it because of those stupid guys? Did they REALLY upset him that much?! That wasn't really a big deal. They were just a group of assholes. Their opinion shouldn't matter to him. Why did it then? How long had this gone on without her knowledge? Adam had always seemed like a dark person to her; the black clothes, black nail polish, and the dark make-up and all. But this?! It was just too hard to believe. He'd always seemed like an optimist to her. Didn't care what people thought of him. Almost always had a smile on his face. ALMOST always. **

**There had been a few times she'd caught him on the verge of tears. He always held it in though. He would say he was fine. He would be brave though and put a plastered smile on his face. She could usually see through it though. She would try to comfort him, try to see what was wrong and cheer him up. He'd just shrug it off though. Say everything was fine. Or, he'd storm off. Like he did today off the stage. And today he cut himself. He CUT himself. ADAM. It was all so just...out there.**

**When she had seen him there with his wrist all bloody, her head had been spinning. Her mouth had went dry. Her head went blank. She couldn't speak. She couldn't think of anything to say. And finally when she did speak, it came out all wrong. Not how she wanted it at all. Her words were full of hatred. Full of judgment. No sympathy, no compassion. Nothing. She had tried to stop, but she couldn't. The words just kept flowing out. **

**That look on Adam's face would forever be implanted in her brain. He look devastated. Miserable. Heartbroken. She had caused him so much pain. He'd probably never speak to her again. **

**Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. She wiped her eyes, then got up to open it. Maybe it was Adam. Maybe. Hopefully. He deserved an apology. **

**Allison opened the door. Nope, not Adam. It was Kris. She quickly wiped her eyes. "Hey Allison, do..." he looked up at her, noticing her tear-stained face. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. She glanced over at it. Should she tell him? Did he even know?**

"**I...just...I..." she started fumbling for words. "Eh, just...never mind. It's...not important. I guess. It's...just nothing."**

"**You sure?" Kris asked, his voice full of sympathy and disbelief. He obviously didn't buy her pitiful attempt at a lie. **

"**Yeah, I'm sure," she lied. "Just stupid teenage girl issues. You wouldn't understand." she looked down, avoiding his gaze. He still didn't believe her. He knew her too well. **

"**Well...okay..." Good. At least he was leaving the subject alone. She wiped her eyes again. **

"**So, why are you here anyway?" she asked, quickly changing the subject. **

"**Oh yeah. I was just seeing if Adam was here with you, that's all..." Allison's breath caught in her throat at the mention of Adam's name. Her throat went dry. **

"**What...what do you mean?" she finally managed to say. **

"**I went looking for him a few minutes ago, and he wasn't in his trailer. Wasn't backstage either. He seemed upset, so I wanted to make sure he was okay. I figured he was here with you since you guys are close again..."**

"**Were..." she interrupted sadly. **

"**Awww sweetie, is that why you were crying?" She nodded grimly. He pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry Allie. Don't worry, I'm sure we can work things out. What happened?"**

**She debated telling Kris everything. What she had seen. All of that blood... She shivered thinking about it. Maybe she should tell him. He could probably help her out with this whole ordeal. He was good like that. **

**Just as she was about to tell him, his phone rang. "One sec Allison..." he said, taking his phone out of his pocket and answering it. She watched him intently, listening to his responses. "Uh huh...uh huh...REALLY?! Sh...I mean, crap...Yeah, okay. Thanks. Bye." He hung up.**

"**What was that about?" Allison asked him. **

"**Well, apparently my car's gone. Someone stole it. God, this sucks..." **

**As soon as he said that, Allison knew where Adam was. What he was trying to do. Her mouth dropped open. She brought a hand up it it. Her lip started quivering. "No...please no..." The tears began to come back. She collapsed to the ground, sobbing. Kris immediately dropped to his knees by her side. **

"**Allison, what's wrong?" he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. **

"**I've...I've killed him!" she shouted, burying her face in her hands and continuing to sob. "...I've killed him! I've killed him! I've killed him..."**


	15. Chapter 15

_**CHAPTER 15:**_

"**_Why does it have to go from good to gone?  
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone  
All alone, but here comes goodbye  
Here comes goodbye_**  
**_Here comes the last time  
Here comes the start of every sleepless night  
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry  
Here comes the pain  
Here comes me wishing things had never changed  
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye..."_**  
**_-Here Comes Goodbye by Rascal Flatts_**

**  
Adam waited for impact. He felt something hit him hard. But, it wasn't the train. It was from the side. He fell off the tracks and tumbled down onto the ground. He landed on the soft, damp grass. Adam sat up. The train sped by up above him. And, he remained unharmed. "GOD DAMMIT!" he yelled, picking up a nearby rock and throwing it at the train. It made a loud clanging sound and ricochet off, flying back towards him. It missed him by about a foot. Not even a rock could hurt him. Just his luck. What had pushed him out of the way though?**

**He looked around. His eyes immediately fixated on a young women. Her long blonde hair flowed down over her shoulders. She was wearing an old pair of ripped, faded jeans and a baby blue tank that seemed to match her large, sparkling blue eyes. Oddly enough she wasn't wearing any shoes. **

"**Who the hell are you?!" Adam shouted over the rumble of the train. The girl looked at him, her glossy eyes bearing into him. She walked almost weightlessly over to him and extended her small, dainty had for him to grab. He took it. A chill went up his spine. Her skin was cold to the touch. **

"**I'm Amanda," she said softly. He could barely hear her over the train. Her voice was light and airy. She helped him to his feet. The train finally passed by. He stared after it longingly. It was gone. He was too late.**

"**Why did you do that? Why did you save me? I don't even know you! Why didn't you just...just let me die?!" He asked the strange, mysterious girl. **

"**I'm not going to let you just do away with yourself like that. No matter who you are or what you did, you don't deserve to die like that."**

"**Sure, but what if you have nothing to live for?" Adam asked, looking down at his wrists. "I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of the suffering. I just want to die."**

"**I know what you mean..." the girl said, looking down and hugging herself tightly. "You know about a year ago, that person standing on the tracks, that person who wanted to die...that was me. I hated my life. I lost my job, my house, my boyfriend, everything. I was barely getting by. My friends had abandoned me. I had no reason to live. Or so I thought." **

**Adam tilted his head to the side and looked at her. "What do you mean?"**

**Amanda looked up at him, looking directly into his eyes. "Life gets bad sometimes. Heck, it sucks. You may feel depressed, alone. But, there is always someone out there that cares. Someone out there that loves you. You may just have not found them yet. Or, maybe they were there all along. You don't know. The death of one can affect many. If you were to die, what would happen to your friends?"**

"**What friends?" Adam said coldly. **

"**You may think your friends won't care. That they can survive without you in their lives. But do you really know that for sure? One person really can make a difference. You don't know what kind of an influence you may have on them. You won't realize, that is, until it's too late."**

"**Who cares though? I mean, not to sound shallow or anything, but what does it matter how they'll feel? They never seemed to care about me. They didn't notice all of the pain and suffering I endured. They ignored it. Ignored me. I don't want to live a crappy life just to make others happy. I want to be happy."**

"**And you could be!" Amanda interrupted in her soft, angelic voice. "You shouldn't kill yourself because of just a little bad luck."**_**"**_

_**  
'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts,  
Traveling endlessly.  
Don't need no roads.  
In fact they follow me.  
And we just go in circles.  
Now I'm told that this life,  
And pain is just a simple compromise,  
So we can get what we want out of it.**_**_Would someone care to classify,  
Our broken hearts and twisted minds,  
So I can find someone to rely on..."  
-Misguided Ghosts by Paramore_**

"**It's not just a 'little bad luck' though. It's a lot! It's been going on ever since high school, and it just keeps getting worse. I've hit rock bottom."**

"**Well, that means it can only go up from here!" Amanda grinned. Adam smiled a little too. Something about this girl was different. Uplifting. "It can only get better. You might just be in a rough patch. Don't end it before you have a chance to find out. Life goes on. No go on, go. Leave. Make it worth living." She shoved him a little. **

**He smiled. What she was saying actually made sense. "Yeah, sure. Okay. I'll go..." He started walking away from the tracks. **

"_**Now I'm alive  
and my ghosts are gone  
I've shed all the pain  
I've been holding on  
What don't kill a heart  
Only makes it strong.."  
**__**-The End Where I Begin by the Script  
**_

"**Oh yeah, Amanda...?" he said, turning around to thank her. "Thanks..." he said, trailing off when he realized she was gone. He shrugged and started walking. That was weird. Where did she go?**

**Suddenly he stumbled, tripping over something sticking out of the ground. He fell forward, catching himself just in time before face-planting right in a pile of mud. Adam turned to see what he tripped over. It was one of those little crosses with a wreath of flowers around it families put up near the spot where someone dies as a memorial to them. Flowers were scattered around it. He'd seen them before on corners of roads where people had gotten in car accidents, dying on impact. Why was it over here then? He bent down and squinted to get a better look at it. It had a message inscribed on the cross.**

"**Amanda Daily  
****1982-2008  
****We'll never forget you.  
****RIP"**

**Adam slowly started to piece it together. Wow. Amazing. That girl he'd seen, the girl that had saved him - she was a ghost. Wait, no. He couldn't call her a ghost. That girl wasn't fit to be one. There was only one explanation: she was an angel. Wow. Unreal. He'd just been saved my an angel. This was a sign if there ever was onee. He wasn't supposed to die. He was meant to live. Meant for more. For some reason, God wanted this. Why save HIM though? Why was he so special? It was just...not real. Crazy. Wow. Just...wow. He started walking back the way he came in a complete daze. **

"_**Lost and insecure.  
**__**You found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor.  
**__**Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
**__**Where were you? Where were you?  
Just a little late.  
**__**you found me, you found me..."  
**__**-You Found Me by the Fray**_


	16. Chapter 16

**FINAL CHAPTER!!!!! HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!!!  
MAKE SURE TO REVIEW!!!!! :D**

* * *

**__**

CHAPTER 16:

"**Allison, Allison! Calm down!" Kris said, gripping Allison's shoulders and shaking her lightly. "What do you mean? What's wrong?!"**

**Allison hugged Kris tightly and sobbed into his shoulder. "I...I walked into Adam's room and...and there was...all this...blood...so much blood...oh my God, it was horrible!" She sobbed.**

**Kris rubbed her back gingerly. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Allie..."**

"**Wait, you knew?!" she shrieked. **

"**Yeah, I did. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. It just...wasn't my business to."**

"**I...I understand..." she sniffled, wiping her runny nose on her sleeve. "We gotta save him though Kris, please. This is all my fault..." The tears started coming back. "I...I sent him away. I told him I...I...didn't love him. It broke his heart Kris, it really did. And mine as well. I don't know why I did it. I guess...I guess I was scared. But I know now. I know how I feel. I love him. I NEED him. I can't live without him. And now...now he's trying to kill himself off. End his life. And I...just...I...we gotta find him. Before it's too late..."**

"**Well, what are we waiting for then? Come on!" Kris grabbed her hand and yanked her out of the trailer. Tears were streaming down her face. She could barely see. She couldn't let Adam die on her expense though. She'd never be able to live with herself. **

"**Hold on Allison, stay here. I'll be right back." He let go of her hand and started briskly walking away. **

"**Kris!" she cried after him. **

"**It'll just take a minute!" He sprinted away.**

**Allison slumped down against the wall, then slid down on it until she was on the ground. She brought her knees up against her chest and hugged them tightly, while swaying left and right. "Come on Kris, come on..." she kept mumbling. He had to hurry. He had to...the clock was ticking away. Each minute that passed slimmed down chances of him being okay. "Come on Kris..."**

**A few seconds later, Kris materialized, a pair of car keys in his hand. Allison jumped to her feet. "Megan's letting us borrow her car, now come on! Let's go!" Kris grabbed her hand, and they ran to the parking lot. **

"**Come on, come on..." Allison mumbled over and over to herself as they got in the car. He had to be okay. PLEASE. "Allison...Allison..." Kris said, interrupting her thoughts. She snapped back into reality. "Which way should we go?"**

**She drew a breath. Which way? Left or right? The choice they picked could determine if Adam was alive or not. If she chose the wrong way, they could arrive **_**too late**_**. She bit down on her lip. 'Oh please God, let me be right...' she prayed silently. "Let's go...right."**

"**Will do." Kris veered right and sped down the road.**

"**Come on Kris, faster!"**

"**I can't! I don't wanna get pulled over! Then we'll never find him in time! I'm already going 15 over the speed limit anyway."**

**Allison screamed with her mouth shut. They'd never get to him on time. She started crying again. She folded her hands and rested her forehead on them. "God, please...PLEASE let Adam be okay. PLEASE. I know I don't do this often. Heck, I never do. But I'm just asking you for this one thing; let him be alive. I don't care if he hates me. I don't care if he never speaks to me again. I just want him to be okay..."**

"**Hey Allisom, I think...I think that's my car!" Allison's head shot up. And sure enough, it was there. Kris' car. Off the side of the road. In a ditch. **

**Kris pulled over to the shoulder, and Allison jumped out of the car. Kris was right behind her. They ran down to the car. She looked through the window. Her hopes immediately sunk. He wasn't there. How would they find him then? Where was he? **

**As if reading her thoughts, a train whistle went off in the distance. She looked at Kris, who dropped his head sadly. He was thinking the same thing. The train tracks. Adam was dead.**

* * *

**Adam walked through the woods, searching for the way out. He couldn't remember which way he had come. It all looked the same. He was so upset and distressed when he first walked into there that he couldn't remember. Too bad his angel hadn't bothered to point him in the right direction. Yup, his angel. That's what he was calling her. Or...it. He didn't even know if it was real. It could've all been a pigment of his imagination, a way of his conscience speaking to him. His brain could've created that image in his head as a way of telling him no. He could've unknowingly thrown himself off the tracks. Maybe. He still felt that icy chill throughout his body though, from when she touched him. His mind couldn't do that, right? Something told him that this was real. That he really WAS saved by an angel. **

**Finally, Adam reached the end of the woods. In the distance, he was able to spot Kris' car. But who were those two figures standing by it? He squinted to get a better look. A flash of red caught his eye. Allison. It was Allison. And judging by the plaid shirt on the other figure, that must be Kris. They...they came looking for him? But...why? Maybe the angel was right. There is always someone out there who cares. And he had two somebodys. Kris and Allison. **

**Kris all of a sudden looked up. Right at him. His eyes connected with Adam's. "ADAM!" he heard him shout. Allison's head shot up as well. Her mouth dropped open. She broke into a run, heading straight towards him. Adam braced himself for impact. The little redhead crashed into him, hugging him tightly. He fell to the ground, laughing a little. She lay on top of him.**

"**Oh my God, you're okay! You're ALIVE! Oh my God! I was SO worried! I thought...I thought you were dead." She rambled. God, she was adorable. **

**They locked eyes. Adam's breath caught in his throat. "Adam, I'm so sorry..." Allison started to say. "You just...well...this whole thing just scared me. I didn't mean a word of what I said. Really. I don't care if you cut yourself. That shouldn't matter. You're still the same Adam...that I love..."**

**Woah. Did she just say what he thought she said? "Yes...yes Adam..." Allison said in a shaky voice. "I love you too." And, she leaned towards him. Their lips connected. Adam deepened the kiss, bringing his hand up and putting it on her cheek, lightly caressing it with his thumb, wiping away her fallen tears. Allison deepened the kiss as well. Screw 'The Princess Bride,' this RIGHT HERE was the most passionate kiss ever. Right here. Allison pulled back about minute later, and they stared deeply into each other's eyes. **

"**_All this time I've spent without you by my side, I dreamt about you  
Saw you through the windows in my mind  
Carved a home for you deep down inside my chest  
And I never want to lose such a big part of me again  
Lose such a big part of me again._**

_I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you  
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest  
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along  
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs..."  
**-Come What May by the Scene Aesthetic**_

"**Hey, you guys done making out yet?" Kris called out. They'd almost forgotten he was there. Adam looked up at him. Kris' hands covered his face, his fingers separated a bit so he could speak through. He glanced at Allison, who seemed to be thinking the same thing. **

**Allison rolled off of him, and they both each grabbed a hold of one of Kris' legs. "Wait...what the...?"**

**They both yanked his feet forward, causing him to fall backwards on the soft, green grass. All three of them erupted with laughter as they lay there on the ground. It was then that Adam realized that he would be okay. He had Kris and Allison, that was all that mattered. His life now...this moment...was heaven. Sure, life had its bad moments. But without those, the good moments wouldn't seem as special as they were. It was there that Adam realized that...maybe life wasn't so bad after all...**

**_  
I set out on a narrow way many years ago  
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road  
But I got lost a time or two  
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you_**

Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you

_I think about the years I spent just passing through  
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there you understand  
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true_

_Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

_Now I'm just rolling home  
Into my lover's arms  
This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

_That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you..."  
_**_-Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts_**


End file.
